The stuff here on this page has little to do with anything at all, so don't try to find any overarching themes to any of it.  Most of it is stuff I've written in a journal, and I make it a point not to write in that if I have any specific things I plan to say ahead of time.  As a matter of fact, I don't even agree with much of what I wrote a long time ago. Don't say I didn't warn you... winter 1997-98 What is all but what's lost?  I really don't know what to write that doesn't seem superficial.  Maybe that's because everything is really superficial, and the "ficial" world is not here with us now, but actually the world of dreams.  Everything you imagine in your head is not really the real world, but there are thousands, millions of dreams that don't coincide with each other, the real world is separated by everybody's mind, yet maybe it's only a single point in a multi-dimensional universe.  This world is just bad things.  What's the point of everything?  All life must end, this music isn't infinite.  Nobody can do anything without someone else getting kept out of something.  There is no freedom...everything is relative. Prayer for Humanity: Let everyone be satisfied with their lives, even if they didn't accomplish everything they wanted to.  Some people set out with too much to do, so may they let go of those goals which are out of reach and possibly unethical.  Hopefully humanity will see before it's too late that Earth is on the highway to Hell, so we can pull over and possibly make a U-turn.  Otherwise, we can hitchhike the other way by expanding outsice of this planed without ruining the life of other planets as well. - It will be very hard to make everyone believe this way, so individuals should do all they can in order to influence others in the right positions in society to try to solve the problem of inevitable damnation...or just get yourself out and leave Earth to the morons. march 2000 ...just thinking about how my life is far easier tham most peoples'.  I've never lost a sibling or parent or a best friend (though one came close to killing herself...best friend, that is, not sibling or parent), I've never contemplated suicide, there have never been any traumatic events in this lifetime of mine.  Problem is that, maybe because I don't have many serious problems of my own, I take on those of other people.  Not to actully do anything, necessarily, which might serve some purpose, but simply feeling bad for the pain in other people's hearts.  What I should at least do is let the person know I care, so my increased pain could possibly help to diminish their pain.  It would be interesting, though, to see if theirs diminishes/has diminished even without me telling them.  After all, we're all connected and perhaps even the same being, only separated by the "self" concept we've created to explain experiences that don't actually have a real experiencer.  Maybe we see "other" people to explain some of this, and create our own "past" lives to explain other parts.  It's all part of the Whole anyway, so why not?  Thus reincarnation isn't something that's going to happen, but just another concept to explain the Whole.  I'm glad I was finally able to put this idea into words, because it first appeared, as a half-formed thought, while talking to Liz about regression last week.  Regression hypnosis is like assisted meditation, which can be used to Awaken to Reality.  Perhaps some part is not fully awakened and therefore conceptualizes Reality to explain it to the therapist or whoever else is there.  This is very interesting (never looked at it like this before) but I should still see what the Buddhist take on it is, becuase I still want to know how others reconcile "eternal self" with a seamless Whole in which nothing persists [note: since writing this, I read something about how Buddhists believe a person will be reborn until he or she has given up the notion of "self" voluntarily.  thus reincarnation only happenes to those who still need the notion of self to get around, otherwise we all reach/become nirvana.]....It can't be Evolution v. Creationism.  The issue really at stake here isn't where we came from, because there's no real way to tell, and if there was, people on either side wtill won't accept the other view.  The issue is that Creationists still insist that there is some significant divverence that makes us human, both separate snd superior to "other" animals.  All that makes us human is that we are human.  That is, I consider myself human, you're similar to me in the most important aspects, so you're also human.  Trying to quantify characteristics won't work, because we're at one extreme in some such as intelligence, whereas we're in the middle as far as individualism versus communalism.  Thus we can't make a neat little table w/ certain criteria for humanness.  There isn't anything that makes us unique other than our continued insistance that we are unique. Once we see that this is the case, we will be better adapted for our universe and each other. The following are two versions of my goals for the future, one written in late 1997, the other written in February of 2000. go to Northern Spain, go to Italy, go to China, go to Hawaii, go to Switzerland,  want to see lake lucerne, be around when strance connection if instantaneous from gravity or virtual particles makes instantaneous transportation possible.  if one thing affects another immediately, why not send info. or even actual molecular information?  go to alaska find someone who has similar goals and marry her, but go with many people before that, to see what's out there. . . . (some stuff in here could probably get me in trouble if the wrong people read it, so ill just leave it out) . . . See United States lose a war (not like Vietnam, we have to lose bad enough to know we aren't invincible)  become some kind of physicist to disover instantaneous transortation, work in Geneva laboratories, go into space, to to south pole, go to north pole, go to iceland, norway, ireland, england, learn chinese, german, japonese, russian, french, hindi, spanish, latin, etc.  write a great piece of music that I love and that is hard to write, one that comes to me, not like the last one.  be around for a cure for cancer.  find a religion where i am accepted along with everybody else without having to be integrated, one that likes nature, like zen buddhism (taoism is too much like anarchy) go to nepal, see chinese mountains that landscapers paint about, find out what happened to phoenecians and if they came to north america, along w/ irish, polynesian, japanese, etc.  see the taj mahal, mecca, jerusalem, hindu holy city, go on vision quest in china or something.  find someone I like and marry her, like people who agree with me on many things.  write a novel about scifi/purifying the would on space station.  meet arthur c clarke, understand general relativity, discover something like a cure but con't have anything named after me, like a vaccination or procedure or something. (and here's the more recent version) Now it's  bit different.  I don't care necessarily about going to all those places, what's the point?  I suppoose if the world's going to end, it would be nice to see some natural beauty.  Other than Angkor Wat or tibet, not many places i really must go.  marriage isn't that important, if it happens it happens, if not, fine.  Don't need to write anything major, but "protector" story is good at illustrating and organizing thoughts on religion and such.  Most important thing is to help others.  We're all in this together.  either we all get saved or we all perish, there are no "select few" going to Heaven and nobody's "left behind" at Armageddon.  Golden rule is most important, necessary for extra, more specific commandments to drive the point home about respecting each other.  Why become a physicist?  Theoretical side:  no necessity for the known rules to continue to be followed.  Practical:  sure, if it helps in the long run, and only methods of environmentalism will help.  Shouldn't get off Earth, because expansionism will lead to us fucking with other planets just as we've done here.  However, what other form of study could do these things?  Studying philosophy is interesting, but can be cone w/ books.  Need to actually philosophize to do any good.  Others need to understand the necessity of the Golden rule.  Without respect for life, human and other, we have nothing. . . . (sorry, but there are some fairly personal thoughts here that im not comfortable sharing with anyone just yet, let alone a random audience of whoever comes to my site) . . . Who the fuck cares about instantaneous transport?  Sure it'd cut down on pollution, but nobody would care.  Urban sprawl is only kept in check by the speed of travel and convenience of living by a city.  Density would go down and people would start living everywhere, which would suck for nature. And finally, something I wrote while listening to some ambient/nature music: peaceful beauty nature mosquitoes birds soft music in the background nature is foreground no people anywhere (music isn't human, it's more natural than anything we've ever "created" why did we create it first if it wsan't already a thing of God, especially vocals, religious chants to start with, birds are natures music, synthesisers are our own nature camp, sitting by a grassy tree in front of a peaceful pond, absolutely still, only sounds of this wildlife to hear, no people anywhere around, even though there's a dock and boat and stuff, it's kind of cold, like early morning, native american vision quest, to find enlightenment - just want to sleep, but it's too beautiful to ignore just yet, don't want to leave.  Whitefish point in UP, walking along Lake Superior, loons should be here, not that stupid turky-sounding thing.  Not normal western music, but like sitar and stuff in Hindu or Irish or Chinese, but wierd scale system, not like 5-tone or normal 12-tone, but minor mixed with major to make interesting effect in the mind.
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